


Drown Me

by atomherrerin



Category: CLAMP - Works, Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: (it's a vampire fix after all), Alcohol, And when I get that feeling I want sexual healing, Blow Job, Emotional Porn, Fai has PTSD and you can't tell me otherwise, Infinity Arc, KuroFai, M/M, Rim job, Self-loadthing, TW: Blood, Vampire Fai, bottom!Fai, cannon-insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 09:02:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17019747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atomherrerin/pseuds/atomherrerin





	Drown Me

Fai just sat there. Back against the wall, knees pulled up, just sat there on the floor. Time moved so slowly in this world. So slowly it hurt. He couldn’t forgive himself for sucking his friends into his fucked up life and he would never be able to forgive himself for letting Kurogane sacrifice himself. He hated himself so much right now. 

Kurogane walked through the door and sat on the bed. “The match will start at 12 tomorrow,” he said. Fai pulled his head up, only to let it fall back against the wall. Kurogane had a glass filled with whisky in his hand. Seeing Fai’s eyes on it, Kuro offered it up, “You want some?” 

Fai considered himself. He was sore and tired from fighting. He had taken some blows in the ring that would have killed him before, but now he healed within minutes. But being a vampire didn’t stop aching muscles and exhaustion. He looked over at Kurogane’s offer. He would have a hangover in the morning, but maybe he would be able to sleep without nightmares. He nodded and picked himself up. Kurogane walked over to the small dresser and got another cup. He filled it halfway with the honey colored liquid and handed to Fai. 

They both sat against the wall and drank. The only break in the silence was Kurogane’s occasional comment on strategy for the chess match tomorrow. After Fai had downed his second glass, he announced that he was going to bed and got up. As he moved past Kurogane, the ninja reached out and grabbed his arm. “Fai,” his voice was low but stern, “you haven’t eaten in three days.”

“Fuck you.” Fai said, but his intonation was flat. He didn’t even have enough energy to really mean it. 

“Fai,” Kurogane said as he stood and pulled Fai back towards him, “if you don’t eat, you die and Sakara will lose the tournament.” Fai was facing him now, but with his head down. The alcohol had made him more tired, but it had also made him weaker and, what was worse, more vulnerable. Repressed emotion was now bubbling up the surface, threatening to undo him. He would have sunk to the ground if Kurogane hadn’t been holding him up by his shoulders.    


“Fai?” Kurogane was a bit worried that the mage wasn’t putting up a fight. Kurogane leaned his head down to see Fai’s face. He was crying. “Fai!” He pulled him up to rest on his chest. Fai let out a shallow sob as Kurogane wrapped his arms around him. It always unnerved Kurogane how quickly the mage’s mask dropped. He just held him for a few minutes while he sobbed.

“I just want it to stop.” Fai pulled his head up and address Kurogane. “My head hurts so much,” he said between tears. “All the guilt and shame and I hate myself so much and it never never stops.” He dissolved into tears for a moment. “I don’t want to do this anymore. It won’t stop. It hurts. I can’t .. I can’t .. Oh god I’m so sorry Kurogane. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” He just kept repeating himself as his words slurred more and more. 

The first time this had happened, Kurogane had tried to reason with him. Let him know this wasn’t his fault. That he didn’t have anything to feel guilty about. It hadn’t worked. The second time, Kurogane had tried again to use words. It still hadn’t worked. But then he tried touch and that had worked. With his hands he could pull Fai out of the dark place he was in. He knew he could only chase away whatever demon haunted him for a short time. But he was more than happy to grant the magician even such a short reprieve. 

He reached down and caressed Fai’s cheek. He pushed Fai’s hair back and kissed him. He could feel Fai’s shoulders come down as he relaxed his muscles. He felt Fai’s long fingers wrap around his shirt, pulling himself closer. Kuro threw his arms around Fai’s waist and pulled him up into the kiss. Kuro ventured deeper, kissing Fai’s neck down to his shoulder blade. Fai let out a suppressed moan. 

“Drown me.” Fai whispered. Kuro pressed into Fai’s back, pulling him up to kiss the front of his collar bone. Fai’s head tilted back, long blond hair stringing down around Kuro’s arms. He sunk his fingers into it and pulled Fai’s head up to where he was looking into his eye. He just held gazes with him for a moment. The emotions exchanged in that moment were too complicated to be put into words. Fai was too weak to hold back but was still trying. They both knew what state he was in. They disagreed as to why he was there, but they both knew what he needed. He needed Kuro to keep him alive long enough to forgive himself for crimes he didn’t commit. He needed Kuro to hold him while he broke down over and over again. He needed Kuro to tell him he was wrong until he believed him. But right now all of that was worlds away. Right now he needed Kuro to drown him. Drown out all the guilt and shame. Drown the voices in his head that said he would never be happy or safe. Said he would never be loved. Said that it was all his fault. He needed to drown so he could breath. If only for a few hours. 

Kuro pulled Fai up to where his head rested against Kuro’s neck. Fai breathed in his scent. It was at this moment he gave up. He was hungry and tired and needed rescuing from himself. And here was this man how was holding him and he was doing it of his own choosing and Fai just couldn’t stop himself from sinking his sharp fangs into Kuro’s neck. The taste of iron filled every corner of Fai’s mouth. His blood tasted so strong and so delicious. It was almost overwhelming. He clung to Kuro’s shirt and pulled himself up to get more leverage and sink his teeth in deeper. Kuro let out a ragged groan. It stung like hell, but it felt so go to have Fai’s mouth on him. He ran his hand down Fai’s back. He wasn’t sure how much of it was the alcohol and how much of it was the blood loss, but his head was starting to feel light and his limbs heavy. He rested his head on the wall and his hands on the waist of Fai’s pants, looping his thumbs down into them. Fai let out a very satisfied moan and pushed himself into Kuro, letting bliss slowly invade his mind. He ran his hand up under Kuro’s shirt and wrapped his legs around him. 

By the time Fai removed his fangs from his neck, Kuro definitely felt light headed. Fai pulled back from him for a minute to look into his eyes. Kuro caressed his cheek gently smiled and looking a bit dazed. He lost his balance a bit and slumped down onto the ground. “Oh shit.” Fai knelt down “I took too much didn’t I?”

Kuro reached around, pulling Fai in for a kiss, “Shut up.” He breathed onto Fai’s lips. He reached down and lazily pulled up Fai’s shirt. He wanted to feel that velvet skin so badly. Fai wriggled out of his shirt and leaned over Kuro. He put his hand around Kuro’s neck and helped him lay down without whacking his head on the floor. He lay down on top of Kuro and kissed the side of his neck that didn’t have any bite marks in it. Kuro let his head fall back and ran his hands up and down Fai’s back. There were also things that Kuro was not willing to admit to himself when he was sober. He knew that he loved Fai but he wasn’t ready to love him as much as he did. He wasn’t ready to need him. To want him this badly. To feel so at home with this man on top of him. To feel so at peace with himself around Fai even as Fai’s internal war raged on. But he did. He hadn’t felt this kind of calm inside of himself since before his parents had died. He leaned over and kissed at Fai’s cheek. Fai brought his head back up and they kissed for a long time, just letting themselves feel good in the sea of conflict that their lives had become.

Eventually Fai got impatient and pulled Kuro’s shirt up, wanting more of his skin. Kuro winced when his bare skin hit the floor. “Oh god, the floor is freezing.” He said. 

Fai laughed. “Bed?” He offered. Kuro nodded and started to get up. “Can you get up ok?” Fai asked in concern. Kuro nodded again, but when he stood up he had to reach out and grab onto Fai. 

“Just getting my balance.” Kuro said defensively before Fai could comment. Damned if he was going to let anything ruin his chances with Fai tonight. Fai shook his head but didn’t say anything. It was only when they were both standing up that Kuro noticed a distinct rise in the front of Fai’s loose cotton pants. Looks like he didn’t want tonight to be interrupted either. They walked into the next room and flopped down on Kuro’s bed. The sheets were cool but not cold and they felt like heaven against Fai’s skin. Kuro leaned over him, kissing the back of his neck, his shoulder blades and on down his spine. Fai shivered and got goosebumps. The cool crisp air lingered on every inch of his skin. 

Kuro’s touch landed on his waist and he pulled his pants down. Kuro kissed Fai’s ass, licking down the center. Fai let out a gasp, but arched himself up into Kuro’s touch. Kuro kept on licking. He never thought he would like doing something like this, but hearing Fai moaning and grabbing at the sheets was always worth it. He was practically whimpering by the time that Kuro grabbed the side of his hip and turned him over. 

“Fuck.” Fai panted and tangled his fingers into Kuro’s hair. Kuro leaned down and took Fia’s dick in his mouth. Fai’s knees when up around Kuro’s head and his nails pressed into Kuro’s scalp. A slur of profanity spilled from his mouth as Kuro’s mouth worked him up and down. Kuro’s head was still spinning slightly from the loss of blood, so he couldn’t go that fast, but the slow pace seemed to suit Fai just fine. Kuro ran his hand up the inside of Fai’s thigh, pulling it back to expose him more. He looked up into Fai’s eyes. Now this, this was vulnerability. They looked at each other knowing that fact. Kuro watched as he could see Fai’s mind work. Kuro hesitated just long enough to see Fai feel the full force of the vulnerability, but not long enough to make him regret it.

He reached out and grabbed Fai by the back of his neck, bring in him for a long kiss. They both ended up laying on top of each other making out for a few minutes before the bulge in Kuro’s pants started to insistently rub against Fai’s thigh.  Fai looked down in between them and smiled, reaching around Kuro to pull his pants off. He pushed Kuro up on his knees and took his dick in his mouth. He worked it up and down for a minute or two until he could see Kuro’s abs tense and relax with his motions. He loved how muscular Kuro was, especially when he was fucking his ass. Which sounded like a pretty good idea to Fai in that moment. 

“Fuck me?” He looked up at Kuro like it was an offer rather than a request. Kuro just looked down at him in, panting.    


After he had caught his breath he simply nodded and said, “Roll over.” 

Fai obliged. Kuro grabbed his ass and spread it apart. God, that ass, that white lanky little ass. Kuro gave it a few more licks before lining himself up and slowly sliding in. Fai moaned in response to the spread and tried to control his voice. Kuro stopped halfway in to let Fai adjust. Fai turned around to face him, biting his lip, bracing himself on the bed, clearly in pain but clearly enjoying it. He looked up at him with almost a challenge. It made Kuro just want to shove the whole thing it right then and there. But he waited for Fai to give him the go ahead. 

“Ok, more, yeah.” Fai said, panting. He let out a long low moan as Kuro put the rest in. “Oh fuckkkkkkk.” Fai was shaking slightly but loving every second of it. Kuro felt like he was gonna cum then and there, but tried to steady his breathing and hold out a bit longer. He slowly leaned over and reached his hand around to stroke Fai off, supporting his weight with his other hand on the bed. “Move, fuck, please move.” Fai said, rocking his hips back slightly. Kuro thrust forward, wary of how much friction there was going to be between them. But there wasn’t any chafing, so Kuro gave in to his desire and started plowing into Fai’s ass. Fai whimpered, but kept begging for more. Kuro knew he wasn’t gonna last much longer, but he wanted Fai to come first so he tried to not think about how nice and tight that ass felt around his cock. 

But he couldn’t keep it up for that long. He felt Fai tighten around him and he knew he was done for. With a low groan he came in Fai’s ass. He kept stroking Fai until he felt him go rigid and warm  cum squirt onto his hands. Fai relaxed his muscles and began to slump down onto the bed. Kuro stayed on his knees and slowly pulled out of Fai. They were both breathing so hard it felt like there was a lack of air in the room. 

It took a moment of laying on the bed for Kuro’s body to come down from the high. After he did he could feel his tired, sore intoxicated body putting up quite a protest. His head throbbed. He could literally feel his heartbeat in his skull.  _ That’s what I get for having sex after losing a pint of blood,  _ he thought. He snorted in laughter. Fai turned to look at him, his cheeks flushed pink, hair every which way. Kuro looked back down at him and smiled.  _ Worth it, _ he thought before kissing Fai and curling up next to him. His head fell down onto Fai’s hair, their hands reaching around to lay on top of one another’s.  _ Totally worth it.  _


End file.
